One
by Ruthyroo
Summary: Ste chooses Doug and Brendan leaves the village, is this really goodbye? : Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**One**

**Ste's point of view**

Life is so funny sometimes, just when you think things are looking up, it all goes wrong again. Nothing seems to work out for me. I thought that with Doug things were going to be different, I thought he was the one for me, maybe I just hoped he was. After everything I'd been through I deserved a little happiness didn't i? I wanted something that was good, easy and normal. I thought that was what I had with him, turns out I was wrong….again. That's the story of my life. I should've known that it would never work between us; Doug's too nice for me. I only seemed to like the ones who treated me bad, let's get it right, just one that treated me bad….. Brendan Brady!

I often wondered where he is now, I suppose he went back home, I haven't got the nerve to ask Cheryl. We decided it would be better if we didn't talk about him to each other, not after everything that happened when he left. I really thought that I could forget him but the more time I spent with Doug, the more I wished it was him. They say you never forget your first love and now I know that's true. It's been almost a year since Brendan left the village, and there hasn't been a day that goes by when I hadn't thought of him. I don't know where he went, I only know why, he left because of me. I always saw the rise of Brendan Brady never expected to see the fall.

After I got him to sign over the deli to me I finally felt free of him. It felt good, I felt like my life was just beginning, the business, Doug, everything was falling into place. When Brendan signed it over to me I kept it in just my name. I wasn't stupid; I wasn't going to get burnt again by anyone. As long as Doug still had a job, he didn't seem to mind, plus it made me trust him again after what he did with Brendan... going behind my back.

But it still didn't work and after Brendan left I lost interest in Doug, and three months after we'd got together, I left him. I felt bad but I couldn't stay with him, I'd look at him but all I saw was Brendan, I thought I was going mad. I could have had it all with Brendan, he put it all on a plate for me, he was willing to give himself to me in every way possible and I said no, I turned him down. Everything I'd ever wanted, he was offering me and I destroyed him, broke him, just like he'd done to me all those times before. I was no different than him now. I thought revenge was the answer, I thought getting him back would have made me happy but it just made everything worse.

The day he left, I'd hurt him even more, if that was possible. He came into the deli, asking Doug to leave, to give us five minutes, which strangely he did. I think Doug had always thought that Brendan was going to hurt him, but I knew he wouldn't as he'd be hurting me too. He begged me to take him back, I remember his words.

"I'm nothing without ye, I love ye. Take me back; the yank's not enough for ye Steven"

I could see the honesty in his eyes; I believed he loved me that was never the problem. He needed to be shown that he can't keep messing with my head. I told him that I'd never go back to him, not ever.

"If ye stay with him Steven, I won't be around to watch, is that what ye want?"

My reply was cold and harsh.

"See ya then Brendan"

He closed the space between us for what would be the last time; it still had the same effect on me. He cupped my face and kissed me softly on the lips.

"Goodbye steven"

I didn't think he'd go, but he did. That was the last time I'd seen or spoken to him.

**Brendan's point of view**

One year, that's how long it's taken me to forget him, to forget Steven hay, and I still question myself if I'm really over him or not. I haven't seen or spoken to him since the day I left Chester, but I suppose that will all change now I finally feel ready to go back. I don't really know how he's been; I never ask Chez when we talk, she saw the state I was in when I left. I needed a clean break, so we decided to never speak of him again, and true to our words we didn't. It was just easier that way. He loved someone else, I couldn't compare to that, not after everything I'd done. He picked him over me anyway.

I'd of never guessed that Douglas batted for the other team, but I suppose I should of seen it coming. I sacked Steven; I pushed him into the arms of Douglas. It was all my doing. Instead of stepping up and being a man I was a coward. Did I really expect him to wait for me forever? I could have had him but I threw him away, again and again. I just thought he'd always be there, but he wasn't and he didn't want me anymore. Truth is he moved on from me ages ago, it was probably after I hit him the last time. But I hadn't moved on from him, he's always been in my head, at least until now.

When I left Chester I came home, back to Ireland. I stayed with Eileen just for a few days, till I got myself sorted out. I ended up renting a flat close by that way I'd get to see Declan and Padraig whenever I wanted to.I spent a lot of time with them, especially Declan, I had a lot of making up to do with him after last time we saw each other. And for once we talked, I mean properly talked. It helped take my mind off Steven. There wasn't a day that went by when I didn't think of them kissing, being together, but with time it got easier. I learnt to live with it and without him. I tried telling myself that he double crossed me, hoping it would make me angry, but it didn't, I felt proud of him in a funny kind of way, I knew he'd be the only one to ever achieve hurting me, he's definitely destroyed a part of me. I tried to get him back the day I left but he was stood tall, strong, and stubborn. He didn't back down no matter what I said or did. I begged him, told him I would leave if he stayed with the yank.

"See ya then Brendan"

Was all he managed to say to me. Still he'd got me back now, for all the shit I put him through, he'd finally got even, but all that is in the past and behind me now. A few months ago I met someone, Ewan. He was good for me, he made me feel human again. I still had my needs after all. He looked nothing like Steven, although he was around the same age and similar build. I needed him though; I needed to forget and he helped me to do that. He filled part of the void I had, the void that was left from Steven. Ewan and I had pretty much been inseparable for the last few months, so asking him to come back home with me seemed the normal thing to do. He said yes, like I knew he would, and of course he knows nothing of Steven.

**TBC?**

**Please review means a lot :) xxxxxxxxxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**just want to say thank you to everyone who takes the time to review:) **

**Chapter two**

**Ste's point of view**

I've wanted to call him over the months, tell him to come home, but why did it always have to be going back to him. What would he even say if I did? I should be happy now but I'm not I'm miserable without him, how can one person make such a difference to your life? Maybe one day I'll get the courage to ring him, tell him I'd made a mistake, or maybe I should just call him now. I took my phone out of my pocket and scrolled down till I found his number. I must have just stared at his name for over ten minutes before deciding to flip a coin. Heads I phone him, tails I don't. I flipped the coin high up in the air and waited for it to fall…it was heads.

"Best out of three" I said to myself.

It was heads again, I had my answer. I pressed call on my phone and waited with a pounding heart for what seemed like forever.

"Hi, its Brendan here, just leave your name and number and I'll get back to ye as soon as I can"

After all that I get his bloody answering machine. I waited another hour before I tried him again, this time it only rang a few times, and then went to voicemail, almost like the call was rejected. What was I even thinking, did I really expect him to answer my call now after nearly a year of being apart. I'm surprised he even had the same number. Still I had tried to speak to him and when he sees his call register he will know that. Maybe he'll call me back. For my own sanity though I had try and stop thinking about him, I would definitely not be phoning him again that's for sure.

The next day I went in to work as normal. The morning had been really busy but then it always was. After Doug left I employed Barney, he works really hard and the customers love him. I changed the name of the deli to **Hungry Hays** not brilliant I know, maybe I'll even change it again one day, but it was good enough for now. I don't know what made me go over to the window and look up at Chez Chez but when I did I couldn't believe who I saw. It was him…Brendan…he was back. Was I seeing things, he did have his back to me but I'd recognize him anywhere.

"Barney, cover for me"

My heart was racing and all I wanted to do was see him. But what if he didn't want to see me? I had to go over there, I had to. Walking up those stairs had never felt so nerve wracking. I felt excited; I was desperate to see him. It was only yesterday I'd tried to ring him and now he's here, back home. Maybe he's heard I'm not with Doug anymore, maybe he's come back for me. When I entered the club all my hopes were shattered. He wasn't alone. There he was kissing the face off some bloke; it made me feel sick to the pit of my stomach. I was so jealous that I'm sure to everyone else I would look green. I wanted to run out of there but Brendan had already noticed me.

"Hello steven"

He casually said, as if he'd only seen me yesterday.

"Umm….sorry…. to…. interrupt…."

I could hardly speak.

"What can I do for you Steven?"

"I'm….looking….for….Cheryl"

I must have sounded like a stuttering fool but seeing him with someone else affected me a lot.

"She'll be back soon, why don't ye wait, have a drink"

Did he really think I'd want to wait here with him…with them?

"No ta, I'll catch her later"

But it was like I was frozen on the spot; my legs wouldn't move to go.

"How rude of me let me introduce you"

"Ewan….Steven"

"Steven….Ewan"

**Brendan's point of view**

I didn't really know if coming home was the right thing to do, but I suppose I'll never know until I do it. I can't stay away forever; I've got the club to run. But getting over Steven was harder than I thought. Chez needed a break though, she'd been working so hard and on her own with no help from me. I had to come back for her. I was pretty much over Steven anyway, plus I had Ewan now and I could forget everything when I was with him, well almost everything. It felt good to be coming home and if I'm honest I was curious about Steven. He'd been a big part of my life for so long. I'd often wondered how he was getting on and if the yank was still satisfying him.

Ewan and I were just about to get in the taxi to the airport when my phone started ringing. I thought it would be Chez, she'd already rung me twice. I couldn't believe it when I saw his name flashing on the screen. Steven, what was he calling me for? I wanted to answer, I wanted nothing more than to hear his voice, but he'd made his choice and now I'd made mine. What did we really have to talk about, nothing, not anymore. I let it go to voicemail; he probably wouldn't leave a message or call again anyway. So I got in the taxi, went to the airport and once again forgot about Steven Hay. That was until about an hour later when he'd called me again, this time I rejected it. Ewan was asking questions, and I'm not gonna start answering to him or anyone else for that matter. When we arrived in Chester we went straight home, I wanted Ewan to meet Chez. They hit it off just like I knew they would, I think Chez was just grateful that I wasn't the mess I was when I left.

"So do you wanna go to the club tonight Bren?" Cheryl asked.

"I'm tired Chez, think I'll go in tomorrow"

I really don't think I could cope with running into Steven and Douglas, not tonight, although I wouldn't admit that to her.

"Okay that's fine love, one more night won't hurt. I'm having the whole day off tomorrow though."

"Right were gonna head on to bed Chez, see you in the morning"

I thought that I'd better get an early night, as I wasn't use to working much these days. After a good night's sleep and a morning romp with Ewan, I felt ready for a full day of work.

"Are ye coming with me today Ewan?"

"Of course, just give me ten minutes"

After showing Ewan around the club, an image of Steven flashed before my eyes, I'd only been back a day and he was invading my mind again. I don't know what made me do it, i mean i thought those days were gone but I walked out on to the balcony and looked across at the familiar shop that was now called **Hungry Hays**. I had to laugh at that although I wondered why the name had changed. I could just about see him walking around in the shop, I didn't want him to look up and see me watching him luckily Ewan brought me back to reality.

"There you are"

I turned back round to face him.

"Sorry just getting some air"

We went back in to the club but Steven was there in my head, he'd gotten back in, how did this even happen? To forget him I needed Ewan, I kissed him making him want me. I'll take him now and fuck Steven out of my thoughts. That was when I noticed him, Steven was here. I could tell he was shocked seeing me with Ewan but what did he expect. He couldn't even speak properly. I knew he was feeling uncomfortable but I couldn't resist the urge to tease him. After saying hello I asked him what I could do for him, he claimed he was looking for Chez. I lied and told him she'd be back soon, knowing it was her day off. I offered him a drink but I could tell he just wanted to leave, thing was he wasn't leaving. Ewan was now looking as uncomfortable as Steven and although I didn't really want these two parts of my life colliding they did. The only thing left to do was introduce them.

_**please review let me know what you think xxx :)**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three**

**Ste's point of view**

I had to get out of there, get away from him…them. I wondered if Ewan knew about our past, I mean he looked just as uncomfortable as me. I can see what Brendan sees in him, his young, good looking and probably easy to control. I don't even know what I was thinking coming back here.

"Just tell Cheryl I came by yeah. Nice meeting you Ewan."

And I left as quickly as I possibly could. My head was battered, all over the place and my heart was broken once again. I'd managed to get just outside the club before I heard him.

"Steven, wait…..please"

I wanted to keep on walking, I really did. Maybe it was the way he asked, or the effect his voice had on me, either way I waited.

"What Brendan"

I was angry but how could I be angry with him, it's been a year; I've got no right to expect anything from him.

"It's good to see ye. So why did you call me steven?"

Yeah it was more than good to see him, but I didn't wanna tell him. Why give him the satisfaction when he has clearly moved on.

"Because…i…wanted…to…um oh it doesn't matter now"

I could feel my face go red, stuttering never was my best quality.

"Wanted to what steven?"

But I couldn't bring myself to tell him to only face rejection.

"I'll see you around Brendan"

I didn't want to go; I wanted to just be with him. Tell him that I thought of him every day, that I'd never forgotten him, and that I love him still but he has Ewan now. When he left Chester I'd always wondered about us and our love for each other, I thought it was real, but now I know I was just another game to him. I'm just like Vinnie, Macca and more than likely Ewan. I turned back to look at him and he was still looking at me, staring intently, maybe he did still have feelings for me. Nothing had really been over for us before; he always used to say it wasn't over till he said it was. The thing is he has never told me it's over, not ever.

I went back to the deli and tried really hard not to think about him, but it wasn't that easy, nothing ever is when it comes to him. The afternoon had been slow and I needed to take my mind off things so when I finished closing up I went straight to the dog for a few drinks. I kinda missed Doug at times like this, I hate being all alone. We used to be the best of mates, before it all went wrong, before Brendan screwed it all up for me. I was sat minding my own business when he approached me.

"Mind if I join you?"

I looked up to see Ewan standing infront of me.

"Steven isn't it?"

There was only one who called me that.

"No its Ste"

I didn't really want him to join me but he did anyway. There really was no escaping Brendan or his new bloke now that he had come home. It felt like all of a sudden i was going backwards in my life again, instead of moving forward. How can I ever be free of him? I don't think I can I love him too much. I thought that once upon a time he felt the same, instead it was just more games and lies, and now here I am sat in my local with his new bit on the side. I wanted to be anywhere else but here and then he asked me the one question I knew he would

"So then Ste…how do you know Brendan?"

**Brendan's point of view**

Seeing him again hit me like deep down I knew it would. I'd wanted him, craved him for so long, how could feelings like that just die? I thought they could but now looking at him I know I'm not over him. I had Ewan now though and he helped me when I was out of my mind, pining for Steven, although I never told Ewan anything about him. Could I really be that heartless and tell him that I'm in love with someone else. Ewan knows what I'm like; he knew when he got involved with me what he was getting himself in to. I don't owe him anything. As for Steven he really is the love of my life. When he left he didn't even look at me, do I mean that little to him now? But he did call me yesterday, I needed to know why.

"Ewan, make yourself a drink I just need a word with Steven"

I could tell he wasn't happy but I didn't care, Steven and I had a past together, one I thought I wanted to forget until now. I went after him and shouted at him to wait, I was so glad when he did.

"What Brendan"

Did he really always have to speak to me so bad? It had been a year and he was still angry with me. I asked him why he called me but he couldn't answer me, he just stood there stuttering like an idiot. He must know I still care, I came after him, and I know he still cares for me as its written all over his face. He is struggling with his feelings, like I am with mine. He wouldn't tell me why he called but that was okay I would find out. He can't be with Douglas all the time. After he left I went back to club, Ewan was not happy and started asking questions about Steven. I told him that it was none of his business but he kept on.

"Look he used to work for me, were old friends, that's all ye need to know"

That's one thing I hate doing, explaining myself. I told Ewan to go and look around the village, I needed a breather. With thoughts of Steven heavily on my mind, I poured myself a drink and called chez.

I needed to speak to her about him, she knew how much I loved him, she would understand. I asked her how he'd been, how he was with Douglas, I wanted to know everything he'd been doing for the past year. Chez was reluctant to tell me but she did.

I couldn't believe that he wasn't with Douglas anymore and that she didn't tell me sooner. I know we'd decided not to talk about him but I would have come home sooner if I had known. I could have made it work between us. Everything else she said wasn't important to me; he was single that was all i heard. Now to decide what to do about it.

_**please review it means a lot :)**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter four**

**Ste's point of view**

After we got chatting for a bit Ewan seemed ok, in fact he was quite a lovely fella. I could definitely see why Brendan liked him. He seemed really friendly and I found him easy to talk to.

"So Ste are you going to put me out of my misery and tell me how you met Brendan?"

I suppose it doesn't really matter if he knows or not, it's been over between us for ages now and it's not like I have to tell him how I feel about him.

"Um…well…we used to be together, but that was ages ago now"

I looked at him to see his reaction but he just smiled at me.

"I thought you were, I could tell. I noticed a strong connection between you when you came in the club earlier."

What was he saying? I started feeling uncomfortable; I didn't really wanna be discussing Brendan with him.

"It's because it's the first time we'd seen each other for a year. Look can we talk about something else."

I came to the pub to try and forget not bring it all up again. I felt bad enough as it was. The man I'd always been in love with was with someone else now and it fucking hurt.

"Yeah that's cool Ste…I'll get us another beer."

And the beers kept coming; before I knew it I was pretty drunk. I remember Brendan always saying that I couldn't handle my drink, he was right though I couldn't.

"Look…I've had enough me"

I really don't think Brendan would appreciate us drinking together, he never did like the different parts of his life meeting; I remember it well with Macca.

"I'll walk you back to yours Ste"

I thought I'd be okay to walk back on my own, but when I stepped outside and the air hit me, I wasn't so sure. Making Ewan walking me back would be the best thing at least I'd get home.

Walking back to the flat seemed to take us ages, I kept laughing and messing about and Ewan was just trying to hold me up and get me home. I couldn't even get my keys in the front door. Ewan took the keys out of my hand and opened the door for me, I was just about to thank him, say goodnight but he had other ideas. He pushed me inside, closed the door behind us and kissed me. After the initial shock I kissed him back, I knew it was wrong but I didn't care plus I was drunk anyway. It had been a while since I'd had any attention from anyone and I wanted it badly. After the day I'd had seeing Brendan again, and nearly declaring my love to him, my head was a mess and I just wanted to forget. Ewan could have been anyone. Kissing him back i wasn't thinking about after, I wasn't even really thinking about Brendan. I just needed to feel wanted again. I broke away and pulled him in to the bedroom.

**Brendan's point of view**

I wanted to go and see him right now but I was working and I had no one to cover till a bit later on. Plus there was Ewan, what was I even going to do about him? Sure we had fun, he served a purpose, he was even a good fuck but he wasn't Steven. I know we still have unfinished business together I could tell when he came here earlier on. Maybe I should just call him now, tell him to come over but I should sort Ewan out first I don't want Steven getting caught in the middle of that.

I don't even know where he went when I sent him off earlier. I tried to call him but all I got was the answering machine. I waited for Rhys and Joel to take over for their shifts and I went back home to see if Ewan was there but he wasn't. This was unbelievable i thought to myself. After I went to the dog for a pint and that was when I noticed them, Ewan and Steven, luckily they hadn't noticed me. They were sat in the corner of the pub, chatting and occasionally laughing. I didn't like it, not one bit. I didn't care about Ewan but Steven he was a different matter. I stayed back and out the way the whole time, im surprised they couldn't feel my eyes burning in to them.

Steven was getting drunk, i should have just gone over there but I wanted to see where this would go, looking at Ewan I knew what was on his mind. When they left the pub Steven could hardly stand and he kept laughing, god that boy really wants to learn how to drink. It must have taken about half an hour for them to walk back, how I managed to keep my temper in check I'll never know. Chez should have told me he was on his own, she knew how much I wanted him, why did she keep that from me? I could have been with him now, instead im spying on my ex and my lover who will probably end up fucking each other by the way Ewan is drooling all over him. I follow them but I keep my distance at the same time. Once they reach the flat Ewan opens the door, Steven is still laughing, and god he is adorable.

Once the door is closed I walk up to it, I can just about see them there kissing. I could hear it. The rage that starts to build up inside of me scares me, I thought I'd moved on got myself together, but im no different than the person I was a year ago. It took all the strength I had to walk away, but I could use this to my advantage. I had to witness Steven with Douglas that was bad enough; I will not watch him be with anyone else. I headed back to the club, poured myself a very large whisky and contemplated my next move.

_**please review :) xxxxxxxxxxx**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter five**

**Ste's point of view**

I woke up to have the biggest hangover and hardly any memory of what had gone on last night. I remember that I'd had quite a few drinks and that it was Ewan who had been buying them for me. I also remember him asking lots of questions about Brendan but how or what time I'd got in that was blank. I should have known that something wasn't right, as when I got out of bed I was naked; usually I slept in my boxers, unless I have company of course. I got out of bed and jumped in the shower, hoping that somehow it would refresh my memory, but still nothing. I couldn't believe that I had to go in to work, I felt like shit and I just wanted to go back to bed. I got changed, grabbed my phone and keys and headed out of the door. I was lost in my own thoughts trying to remember something from last night when a text came through on my phone. It was from Brendan.

"Have fun last night did ye?"

What the fuck was he on about?

Then it hit me, I had a vision of Ewan kissing me, I was kissing him back and at that moment I knew what had happened between us.

"Oh my god last night I slept with Brendan's lover"

I said out loud to myself. I've really messed everything up now. I had no choice but to tell him the truth, so I text him back.

"Where are you? I need to speak to you."

I wasn't sure if going to see him would be the best thing to do but I knew it would be the right thing.

"I'm at the club" he replied.

I wondered why he would be there so early, maybe he had a delivery or something. I don't know I just wanted to tell him what I'd done. God he was going to kill me, no doubt I would get the beating of my life but this isn't about him it's about me and i can't live with the guilt. Sleeping with Ewan, what was I thinking? That's the thing I wasn't thinking at all. As soon as I got to the club I saw him and Ewan together, they were laughing, and when Brendan noticed me he snogged his face off. Why would he do that, it really hurts me still after all this time apart. I suppose he does it because he can, he doesn't have to explain himself to anyone let alone me.

*coughs*

"Um….Brendan"

He pulled away from Ewan and looked at me.

"Ah Steven You wanted to see me?"

What was with him today, he looked so smug.

"Yeah can we talk in private?"

I could tell by the way he was enjoying this, what his reply would be.

"I don't keep things from Ewan, so say what ye need to say Steven"

I had to tell him the truth, it always finds a way of coming out especially in this village. Me and Brendan had lied to each other too many times before and although I may have blown any chance I might have had with him, I still didn't want to lie to him.

"It's about last night…i…um…slept...with Ewan."

**Brendan's point of view**

It was late or should I say early when I got home from the club, contemplating my next move hadn't gone according to plan and I had trashed the office and sulked instead. I went into the bedroom where Ewan was already asleep. I pulled the covers back to reveal his naked form, he had a great backside, not as inviting as Steven's but it was nice all the same. I didn't really wanna fuck him but I had a lot of pent up anger to get rid of. I didn't even wake him properly, what would be the point. I touched myself thinking of better times with Steven, how good it felt to be inside him, how desperate I was to almost convince myself it was him lying face down on my bed. Ewan was disorientated but he lifted himself up enough for me to enter him easily. Then I did what I had to do, I fucked him hard. It was rough and raw, no emotion what so ever. I surprised myself by being able to take him, especially when I smelt the familiar smell of Steven on him. Ewan had just served a purpose, nothing more, and fucking him was better than beating him.

I'd learned to control my anger a lot better these days, luckily for him. Ewan tried talking to me after; he must have sensed how different I was with him.

"Are you okay Brendan?"

NO, I wasn't okay; he had just fucked the love of my life.

"Yeah good go back to sleep. I just had an urge ye know."

It didn't take him long to go back to sleep but me on the other hand I didn't sleep a wink. For once in my life I didn't know what to do. Steven changes me; he makes me doubt everything I've ever known. How do I play this for the best without getting it wrong and pushing him further away? I wasn't bothered that Ewan cheated on me, I know I should have been but the only thing I cared about was him….Steven.

I got to the club early this morning as I had a few deliveries; Ewan came with me even though I didn't really want him to. Although Steven had moved on from me and nothing I said got to him anymore I still couldn't resist texting him.

"Have fun last night did ye?"

Games…. this was all I knew. He returned my text by telling me he wanted to see me. I know Steven he was no doubt feeling guilty and I know that he would have to confess. I was not going to make this easy for him. When he arrived at the club I immediately kissed Ewan, I don't really know why, maybe I was hoping to make him jealous. I could see the guilt it was written all over his beautiful face, but I still wasn't going to help him out. When he asked to speak to me in private I told him that whatever he wants to say he can say in front of Ewan. I noticed him swallow hard then he confirmed what I already knew.

"It's about last night…i…um…slept...with Ewan."

I couldn't hide the grin that was now prominent on my face.

**Please review :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter six**

**Ste's point of view**

He was smiling, why was he smiling? Did he really find it funny? I'd just confessed to sleeping with Ewan and this is the response I get, a great big eerie smile from Brendan. Ewan on the other hand was not smiling but then neither would I be if I was in his shoes.

"Yeah ye did and?"

"And what Brendan"

"Did ye enjoy it steven?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, by the sound of it he didn't even care.

"I don't even remember it Brendan, why are you being so calm?"

"Because im not bothered Steven, ye are free and single and really so am i"

"But I thought…"

"What ye thought what?"

"Nothing it doesn't matter, I just thought you should know"

"You're all heart steven"

"I'll get off then"

"Yeah see ye"

That was so odd, why was he acting this way? I thought that he would at least shout, be angry but as usual Brendan Brady showed no emotion what so ever, am I even surprised? I thought that we still had a connection together obviously I was wrong. I usually am wrong when it comes to him. I left the club feeling less guilty but I still wanted to talk to him, his calmness about me and Ewan just didn't make any sense, i know him he wouldn't be okay with it not really not deep down. I had to know if he still thought about me, if he still had feelings for me. After all this time he still plays games with me, he still entices me back time and time again. Maybe I should just take the hint, he didn't seem fussed about me today, why should I lay my heart on the line again just for him to break it?

He's only been back a few days and already my world has been turned upside down, he's just no good for me and I don't want to feel this way anymore. I made the wrong choice when I picked Doug a year ago but I've paid for that; im still paying for it every single day. When im without him it just feels so bad but I learnt to live with it, until he came back that is. Now he's here I just wanna be with him but by sleeping with Ewan I kinda messed it all up, how could I be so stupid. We never get it right Brendan and me; we never feel the same things at the same time. I thought we were meant to be together at one time and when I couldn't get over him I thought it even more. He is not interested now and when he looked at me earlier with that cold stare, I could tell he was empty inside, he'd never looked at me that way before. I regret not being with him, I regret sleeping with Ewan but what's done is done and I can't take it back. If only I could undo the past year.

**Brendan's point of view**

I had to show him I was okay about everything I couldn't let him see how weak he'd made me, how devastated I was that Ewan had been with him and that he'd had his hands all over him. So I thought my biggest grin seemed like the best thing to do. I couldn't give two fucks for Ewan; I could hear him muttering in the background but my eyes were only on Steven as usual.

"Yeah ye did and?"

Jesus what did he expect me to do, trash the club? Beat up Ewan? Believe me I wanted to but then he'd know I cared. It took me so long to get over him and im not putting myself through it all again. I asked him if he enjoyed it, what kind of man was i? I didn't even care at this point, I just wanted him out of the club, I needed to release all this aggression that I had building up inside me. I was cold, abrupt with him, told him I didn't care; of course it was all lies. I hadn't stopped caring not really I'd just blocked him out of my head, I used Ewan as a substitute, knowing all along he could never come close to Steven, no one ever could. After he left I turned my attention to Ewan, my eyes wide.

"So you and Steven"

"Brendan im sorry, I never meant for it to happen, we both had too …"

Before he even had time to finish his sentence I had him pinned to the wall.

"Ye dare put your hands on Steven again, I'll kill ye, do ye understand?"

Ewan just shook his head.

"Now get ye stuff and get out of my life"

I couldn't have him anywhere near me; there was only one I wanted to be with, even if he no longer wanted to be a part of my life I still loved him. I thought it was because of Doug back then but he's on his own now and he still doesn't want me.

"Brendan please"

"Just go Ewan NOW!"

Did he really think I'd still want him around? As soon as he left I lost it and again it was the club I took it out on. I'd only been back a few days and I was already regretting coming back here. Steven didn't want me then and he doesn't want me now, why am I even bothering to till carry around all these feelings? They just make you less of a man. Steven has held me back for long enough it's not time to get my life back and no one is going to stand in my way.

_**please review xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :)**_


	7. Chapter 7

**Again thank you to everyone who has reviewed**

**Chapter seven**

**Ste's point of view :)**

I went back to the flat; I couldn't go back to the deli not after all that so I rang Barney and got him to cover for me, work was the last thing on my mind right now. I tried to stop thinking about Brendan but it was like he was inside my head. I had to know how he felt once and for all; I had to tell him that I'd never been able to get over him regardless of any mistakes that I may have made. I grabbed my keys and made my way back over to the club in search of some answers. There was no sign of Brendan or Ewan and the club was smashed up. The office door was closed so I went over and knocked on the door. After hearing Brendan tell me to come in I took a deep breath and entered the office.

"Twice in one day Steven aren't I the lucky one"

Luckily for me there was no sign of Ewan, it made all this easier.

"I need to talk to you"

Brendan always had to be sarcastic, making jokes out of everything.

"Haven't ye already done that already steven?"

After the usual banter I had to just make him listen to me, he made everything harder by teasing me the way he did. I shouted out to him, made him shut up.

"I still love you"

His face, I'd never seen him look so shocked, did he really think that I was over him? He must do because the room went quite for what felt like hours, of course it was only a few minutes but it felt like ages. Silence sometimes said more than any amount of words and after another five minutes had passed and he still never said anything I decided that maybe coming here wasn't such a good idea after all, plus he had Ewan so why would he want me. They were still together this morning, maybe they still are now, and maybe he could forgive him but not forgive me. Or maybe he'd beaten the shit out of him like he had the club.

"I'm sorry Brendan, ignore what I said, I should never have told you."

And before he could even reply to me I was running out of the door, feeling lonelier than I had done for a while. Everyone I had ever loved had left me so why would he be any different; it was hard not to feel sorry for myself. I went back to the flat and slumped myself down on the couch; I lay there and wondered what was so special about Brendan Brady anyway? How can one person have such an effect on you, I didn't know it was possible to feel the way he makes me feel, i can't believe I just made a fool of myself again. At least I told him, I will never live with regrets so that's something I suppose. I'm not going to sit alone in this flat all day; Barney's good fun maybe going to work would take my mind off him, after all work was all I had left.

**Brendan's point of view**

Why does my life always have to be such a mess, all I can say is that it must be punishment for all the bad things I'd done, all the hurt I'd caused. Still it was time to begin a new chapter in my life, Ewan was gone and Steven didn't want me. I had to start by taking back control of my life, by looking after number one and by staying away from Steven Hay. After trashing the club I went in to the office and calmed down, I even scared myself sometimes. When I heard the door knock I didn't think for a minute that it would be Steven but it was. I made the usual jokes with him, kept it light hearted, even though I could tell he was dying to get something big off his chest, I enjoyed making fun of him, but the he shouted out to me.

"I still love you"

What was he saying? I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, I wanted to, I wanted to go over to him take him in my arms and tell him I loved him too but I didn't. I just sat and stared at him, showing no emotion at all. Maybe I was in shock, why else would I just sit there after hearing what I'd wanted to hear for a year, this was everything i'd wanted.

I could see that he was starting to doubt himself; he was expecting me to at least say something. I often wondered why he loved me; sometimes I didn't even think that I was worth loving, Brendan brandy=unlovable. That's one of the things I love about Steven, he could see the good in me, even when I doubted myself. The room stayed silent for about ten minutes and then he said sorry for telling me and left.

Why didn't I just tell him I felt the same? I had to play games even when he comes to me telling me he still loves me, but i never expected him to come here, to still love me, I had given up all hope, until now. I need to go to him, every part of me wants him but first I better get cleaned up in here before chez sees it, I really don't need her on my back. I had waited so long for this day; I could wait a little while longer.

**please review :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter eight**

Ste went back to the deli, being around people was what he needed; otherwise he'd end up thinking about Brendan and feeling worse. He couldn't believe that he had gone back to that place with him; he said that he'd never go back there, but his love for him has never really faded and seeing him again made him realise that. It took Ste a lot of guts to tell Brendan that he still loved him, he was sure that he felt the same but when he didn't react to it, Ste was almost certain that he had made a big mistake. Only he never really gave him a chance to answer and he left before Brendan could even speak. Brendan was shocked, he never expected Ste to come back to him, to be so open after so much time apart, but one thing's for sure he did feel the same. He had wanted to hear him say those words for what felt like an eternity. Brendan had waited long enough for his boy; he had spent nearly a year being apart from him in which most of that time was spent far away from each other. So hearing him say those three little words was like a dream come true for him.

After Brendan had cleaned up the club there was only one thing on his mind….Ste. He went to go to his favourite run down flat but then he saw him through the window of the deli. He looked to see if there were any people in there but all he could see was Barney wiping down the counters and Ste, who was now eating something. This was it; Brendan was going to get his boy back, he walked in looking confident but on the inside he was shaking.

"Steven, a word please"

Ste looked to Barney who already felt nervous due to the arrival of Brendan.

"Barney get yourself off mate I need to talk to Brendan."

Only there were no words from either of them. Brendan locked the door and hungrily walked up to Ste, not taking his eyes off him for one second. Ste's stomach was in knots and he thought back to a time when he felt similar; that time in the cellar where it all began, Brendan had done the same thing back then, locking the door, undressing him with his eyes. He went behind the counter to where Ste stood and kissed him, his kiss was slow and meaningful, he explored his lips and their tongues met in each other's mouths. Ste's hands reached out to touch Brendan's face while Brendan finds Ste's waist with his hands and then pulls him even closer to him. With their bodies touching the kiss becomes more passionate, their pulses racing faster and faster and their need for each other starts to take over.

Ste unbuttoned Brendan's trousers and pulled them down, unleashing his already hard and throbbing cock. He ran his tongue down the shaft slowly and looked up at him, to see him smiling back at him. He then tasted his wet tip, how he loved to taste him, he took him completely in his mouth, Brendan threw his head back as he sucked, slowly at first and then harder and faster. Brendan knew that if he didn't slow down that it would all be over and he wanted this moment to last so he pulled Ste up to him and kissed him again. Brendan took Ste's hand and led him out the back, he didn't want anyone seeing them through the window it was still the middle of the day after all.

Brendan stripped Ste of his clothes so he was completely naked, he looked breathtakingly beautiful. His soft tanned skin that almost glowed looked absolutely flawless, his gorgeous body that was slim but perfectly toned. Brendan admired him like it was the first time that he had ever seen him this way; he just couldn't get enough of him, it made Ste blush. Ste then started to take Brendan's clothes off and he too was mesmerised by him, his chest so firm his muscular arms, strong and solid how he'd longed to be here again and now he was he could hardly believe it. They found each other's lips again, this time it was more heated, intense almost as if they were eating each other. Brendan got down on his knees and returned the favour; he took the head of Ste's cock in his mouth and closed his lips around it. It felt hot and he could feel his pulse on his tongue, he wanted him so bad. Ste's hips started lightly thrusting as his sucking became increasingly harder and faster, Ste could hardly control himself and it felt so good to Brendan knowing that he was pleasing him, making him moan his name. Brendan didn't stop until he exploded in to his mouth.

Brendan's was like a wild animal that needed taming, he had no control when he was with Ste this way. He pulled Ste down with him so that they were both on the floor; he wanted him now there was no stopping him. He manovered Ste so that he was on all fours, that gorgeous pert ass of his that was waiting to be explored. He couldn't wait anymore it had been too long, he gently eased himself into him, Ste let out a moan, it had been a long time for him.

"Ye okay steven"

"Don't stop Bren….don't ever stop"

Brendan pushed himself all the way in to him slowly with little thrusts at first, until Ste was begging him to fuck him harder. His moans grew louder and louder and as Brendan came he cried out his name. They both collapsed on the floor together both of them sweaty and sticky but still not wanting to distance themselves from one another. Their bodies almost morphing in to one, arms and legs wrapped around each other, feeling close, closer than they ever have before. Still no words were needed, they were together at last, and that was enough.

**one more chapter to go please review :)xxxxx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Final chapter i hope you like it.**

**One **

**Chapter nine**

**Ste's point of view**

Even though we had that break from each other and spent nearly a year apart, it didn't feel like it now we are back together again. I never want to be without him, I can't be without him it nearly killed me last time. I can't even remember what my life was like before him, more importantly I don't want to. I know that people won't understand but I don't care anymore, he is staying in my life…end of. We still had it together, all that chemistry, I'm so glad he came back here. I tried so hard to forget him and move on but nothing seemed to stop me from thinking of him and he crossed my mind every single day. When I first saw him with Ewan I thought that I would never have the chance to be with him again, I had no idea that he still loved me. I wish I had known because the last year without him has been really hard and all I had left of him was my memories. I hope that this time will be different as I can't lose him now; I have fallen madly in love with him all over again. We have both made mistakes, but im fed up with making them and it costing me him. People don't know him like I do, everyone judges him but they don't know how he makes me feel. I will love him always.

**Brendan's point of view**

Love…I remember once saying that I didn't even know what it meant, but I do know and holding Steven in my arms, inhaling his scent and getting completely lost in each other, I know that love for me is him. I really thought that Steven would have moved on with his life, and he has in some ways, im just glad that he hasn't moved on from me. It's like im less of a person without him and when he is by my side I feel stronger and taller, I feel like I could do anything. Looking at my boy in my arms gave me so much pleasure, I want to stay with him like this always and never let him go. I had to do something to prove to him that this was it, no messing around, that he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love him with every part of my being and I am never leaving him, this time it's for keeps. Lying here on the deli floor (we had finally christened it at last) I felt so happy, a feeling that I've learnt I only get when im with or around Steven. He is my guilty pleasure, my one and only and there is nothing I won't do for him. From now on everything between us is going to be amazing; I will always make sure of that. My beautiful Steven.

**One **

Although it was tempting to stay wrapped around each other on the deli floor, Brendan had to get back to the club and Ste had to open the deli to the public again so they shared another kiss and said goodbye.

"Come to the club when you finish Steven, I have a little something for ye"

"Yeah course, try keeping me away"

Ste spent the rest of the day happy, knowing at last his soul mate was finally his, knowing that nothing would ever come between them again. Being together was all he ever wanted, all he had ever dreamed of; even when he was Doug those dreams never went away.

After Ste had finished locking up the deli he made his way over to the club, Brendan had only left him a few hours ago and already he was feeling excited about seeing him. The club wasn't quite open and Ste walked in to find Brendan sat at the bar.

"I haven't stopped thinking of you, me"

Brendan looked at his beautiful boy who was smiling at him goofily.

"Come here steven"

Ste walked up to him and Brendan pulled him close.

"I've missed ye"

Brendan could hardly keep his hands off him; he claimed his lips, kissing him sensually. He pulled away and looked intently into his eyes.

"I never want to lose ye ever, this is how I always want us to be, I will never hurt ye again…..i promise"

"You don't know how happy that makes me Bren. It has always been you, even when I have tried to fight it. I love you Brendan Brady"

"I love ye too Steven Hay"

Brendan reached it his pocket and pulled out a black velvet box.

"I wanted to give ye this, it can be whatever ye want it to be Steven"

Ste's heart was beating so fast, a gift from Brendan was a rare thing, he had no problem giving him money but an actual gift that he had chosen on his own, he had never known it. He nervously opened up the box to see a beautiful gold ring, his mouth fell open.

"Is this what I think it is?"

Brendan smiled at his excited response.

"Like I said Steven it's whatever ye want it to be"

Ste didn't need to think about it, he knew what exactly what he wanted it be.

"Yes Bren, I will marry you….i want to marry you"

Ste took the ring out of the box and went to put in on his finger.

"Ye didn't even notice that I had it engraved did ye?"

Ste was so excited; all he wanted to do was wear the ring.

"Sorry Brendan"

Ste looked closely at the ring and on the inside read…

"My one"

Something so simple but yet it meant so much. Ste threw his arms around Brendan, holding on to him so tight.

"I've never felt so happy Bren"

"We've got an hour before the club opens, shall we go into the office? Then ye can show me how happy ye are"

Ste found Brendan's lips and kissed him, pushing him back in to the office, not once breaking their kiss, knowing that they were both going to make the most of the time they had before the club opens.

Now they had another chance of being together and this time they weren't going to mess it up, the need for each other was too strong and although they were two people, together they made one.

**Please review xxxx :)**


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